


In the dark

by KallistoKrow



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Brotherhood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, M/M, My First Fanfic, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-19
Updated: 2014-05-26
Packaged: 2018-01-25 18:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1658696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KallistoKrow/pseuds/KallistoKrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A brief glimpse into Alec and Jace's relationship as they both struggle with their own inner demons. Set after the events of CoLS and before CoHF. Not a Alec/Jace slash but heavy bromance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Push

Exhaustion, that was the key, Alexander Lightwood thought. Push your body to the point of exhaustion, tip it over the edge, and your mind had no choice but to shut down. Train, hunt, sleep, repeat, don't think. It was easier that way. Nights were the hardest. At night you found out if you had pushed hard enough. Lately, that point had become even more difficult to find.

With a huff, he rolled onto his side, trying to find a more comfortable position. Automatically he folded one of his pillows into his chest and curved his back into the one behind him. Alec had always had a tendency to burrow himself into a cocoon when he slept. It had been one of the things he had tried to hide until Magnus had proclaimed it adorable - _Stop it!_

Alec thumped his head against the pillow, hard, hoping that the momentary pain would clear his head. _Don't think about that. Please, anything but that._

It was no use though. How could he not think about that? It was suddenly difficult to breathe. He could feel a sensation of squeezing, of constriction in his chest, his throat. He couldn't draw a full breath and the few he could draw were hard bought; each exhalation leaving him in ragged gasps. Alec heard and odd sound. It didn't sound human, not really. More like an animal, a dog maybe. One in pain.

He practically threw himself out of bed, catching himself on one of the bedposts and nearly falling again anyway as blood rushed back into his head. He needed to get out. Out of this room, out of the Institute, hell, out of this city were every corner and street was a memory. A reminder.

Wrenching open the door of his wardrobe he grabbed a pair of jeans and dragged them on and then dropped to his knees to search for his boots. He didn't bother changing his black t-shirt but his hand reached without conscious thought, for one of his seraph blades and... He stoped.

His witchlight lay beside the angel blade, innocent and dull. A series of half formed expletives left his lips in a low, harsh stream. Alec grabbed the seraph blade and shoved it roughly into his belt and turned away.

As he exited his room, his foot caught on a kink in the hallway carpet and he tripped, his leg twisting unnaturally. He gasped, the shock of the fall bringing him back to reality, back to reality, back into the moment. Blearily, he wondered if he had twisted his ankle. Dragging himself over to the wall and sitting up, he flexes and points his foot and then rolls it. It hurts and the joint feels over stretched, but he can still move it.

"What the hell are you doing, Lightwood?" he whispered. Alec closed his eyes, letting his head tilt back until it rested against the wall. _What are you doing?_

"Mreow?" The unexpected noise nearly makes him jump out of his skin, his eyes snapping open, his right hand falling to his belt. His eyes are already adjusted to the darkness so it takes him only a second to see the cat.

"Are you _kidding me?_ " Alec groaned. Some shadowhunter. Tripping over his own feet and getting the hell scared out of him by a damn cat. As bad as his mood was through, he wasn't so far gone as to take it out on Church. In any case, they had all learned long ago that anyone stupid enough to mess with the irritable Persian was unlikely to end up with a mangled hand.

Alec remembered reading once how petting animals was supposed to lower your blood pressure and reduce stress. He wondered if that applied to grumpy, hundred year-old tom cats, as he cautiously rubbed his fingers through Church's soft fur. The cat arched his back into Alec's hand, brushed against his leg and then padded down the hall. Rolling his eyes Alec stood, wincing. his ankles throbs a little but seemed otherwise undamaged. Nothing an iratze couldn't fix if it continued to hurt.

"Mreow."

He looked up. The cat had stopped only a few feet away and was looking back at him, twitching his tail and waiting

"What is it?" Alec asked.

The cat seemed to give a huff, walked forward for another two feet and then stopped to glare back at him impatiently. He sighed. Unless he was leading you to the kitchen where Isabelle was 'cooking', it was generally a good idea to fallow Church. In any case, it wasn't as if he had anything else to do.


	2. Nocturne

Church finally stopped at the doors to the library, purring like a thunderstorm. Alec paused, he could see a faint light coming from under the carved double doors. Who could be up at this hour? Isabelle he dismissed out of hand, his sister would be more likely to be sneaking out of the Institute in the middle of the night not into it. Clary was unlikely, he would have heard the lift and besides, she wasn't really the type. Mayris was a possibility, has mother had been getting little sleep for the past few months but she would have had to pass Alec's door.  
The tinkling notes of a piano confirmed the identity of Alec's fellow insomniac as he crept closer to the door, then hesitated. Did he really want to talk to Jace? His parabatai had the unnerving ability to see strait through you, to what you least wanted other people to see. Then again, Jace had enough of his own problems, lately Alec's had rather gotten the backseat. He pushed one door inward as quietly as he could.  
Moonlight spilled through the huge windows at the back of the library, filtering through the runes set into the frames and casting strange shadows in the room. In daylight the library was majestic, at night the room took on an unearthly quality. Shadows clung heavy in the corners of the room and the only other light came from the small fire burning in the grate on the left-hand side of the room. The light of the later did not reach the lean figure at the other end of that huge space however.  
Jace's body was curved over the keyboard of the baby grande, his hands moving quickly but still gracefully over the keys. His face had taken on that particular expression he normally only got when he played, although Alec did sometimes see it when Jace was with Clary. It wasn't anger or pain, but it contained the same kind of intensity. It was a look that was both profoundly private and mesmerizing. Alec found himself drifting closer, down the stairs and across the room, grateful for the silencing runes on his boots. It wasn't so much that he wanted to sneak up on his blood brother, as not wanting to disturb him. The pale light turned Jace's hair from gold to silver and softened his sharp, angular features. His slender hands looked deceptively fragile as he coaxed the haunting melody from the instrument in front of him.  
Alec carefully placed one hand against the side of the piano, feeling the subtle vibrations. While he didn't share his friend's innate talent for music, he could appreciate it. Something about this piece seemed oddly fragile and vulnerable. Alec had long ago learned to gauge Jace's moods from what he played. This piece stirred a hint of worry in his mind.  
"This one's new," he said stupidly. He tried to keep his voice low but it still seemed too loud.  
"House arrest doesn't agree with me. I considered waking you up to spar but I thought you might try to use me for target practice." Jace's eyes flicked upward to meet his own. "Perhaps I should have reconsidered."  
Alec shuffled self-consciously while Jace's gaze dropped back to the black and white keys.  
"Are you just going to stand there?"  
He blinked, surprised. Hesitantly he moved around the piano and without even pausing in the music, Jace shuffled farther down the bench to give him room. Alec kept his eyes on him as he sat down. They had only done this a few times when Jace had first come to live at the Institute. He had never felt it was his place.  
"I always wondered," Jace's eyes remained downcast, "why you never learned to play. You always watched me and I used to catch you humming the songs when you thought no one was listening."  
Alec flushed. "There didn't seem to be any point. It wasn't something I needed," he muttered.   
This time Jace slanted a look at him, smirking slightly. "Now that sounds like something I would say. What's the real reason?" As usual, his voice was wryly amused but he thought he could hear actual curiosity there as well.  
A long pause fallowed in the which the song came to a close. The final notes hanging poignantly in the air and he blond turned to look at him. Alec ran a finger along the keys, not meeting his eyes.  
"Because it was yours," he glanced up briefly and saw his friend's puzzled expression. "When you first came here, you didn't really have anything. Clothes, some weapons, your ring, and all you ever did was train and study and you never complained about it like Izzy and I did, not really. I know I'm supposed to be the quiet one, the one everyone notices second, but you were a ghost in some ways." Alec finally looked up at Jace. His expression had closed, become unreadable, a definite warning sign.  
"Your music, it was always the only thing that seemed entirely yours. The one thing you claimed. I couldn't take that away from you."  
Something odd flickered in Jace's expression as he studied him intently. Then he raised one thin hand and for a moment Alec thought he was going to touch his face. Instead it moved to his forearm and pushed up the sleeve of his shirt. He looked down, puzzled . One finger touched his skin, tracing the lines of his parabatai rune. Jace's hand was warm, almost hot, a side effect of the of the heavenly fire contained within him. Jace tried his best not to touch anyone these days because of the risk of burning them, but now he pressed his palm briefly against the black mark he had once drawn on Alec's skin. Alec shivered.  
"Not the only thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Jace plays is "I Give Up" by Elijah Bossenbroek. It's a beautiful piece and I hope you all go listen to it.

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter consisted of me blasting my ears with Garbage's song "Control" while awash in Malac angst. Sorry for the slow start, Jace should be along in the next chapter.   
> First fanfic so please be gentle.


End file.
